“You don’t trust me.”
Exhausted, I sit clasping the bread and the cup surrounded by people but feeling empty and alone.
“God, you’re right. I don’t. Help me trust you.”
This has been a long week.
After a few days fighting with a flu bug, my youngest Madi was hospitalized for dehydration. It was only supposed to be 24 hours. Compiled with a shortened work week, I was already on sick day number two of a three-day week.
But my kids will always come first.
Yet, as Thanksgiving morning dawned, two days later, her condition worsened. She just couldn’t get over the hump. Each day I prayed for healing and each day the prayer seemed to fall on deaf ears.
It’s in these moments I realize I don’t really hold control.
And it really bugs me.
Suddenly, it’s not about me anymore.
This was the place in my heart God was speaking to.
You see, he had to remove me from the throne of my life so he could take his rightful place.
In a year of big growth, change and opportunity, God had to remind me he was still in charge. I could whine and mope about how uncomfortable I was, but in reality, it was a thankless attitude. And now, it’s time to rebuild.
So, it’s been a couple of months since you have heard from me. Here’s a quick update.
Madi released from the hospital the Friday after Thanksgiving. Eight straight days of vomit. If you know me well, you know this is my personal hell. I hate puke. Hate it.
Her condition amounted to nothing more than constipation. What cannot go down, goes up.
Seriously. I’m not kidding. My kid was full of poop.
But we knew that already.
Four days later, the washer broke and by December 10th, my kids were certain we weren’t going to have a Christmas tree.
I mean, I didn’t have anywhere to put it. We had laundry everywhere. I guess we could have strung some lights around the piles of laundry.
It was the very moment I stopped fighting for things to go my way and surrendered to the mess that God met me.
He infused me with peace.
He showed me where to start.
He provided resource.
He sent people.
He provided opportunity for service.
What started as a very complicated season turned into the simplest, most wonderful Christmas we’ve had in quite some time.
I’m continuing to learn contentment in wins both small and large.
I’m looking forward to sharing more about that with you as the month goes on.
So, if you’ve made it this far- Thank you. I know it’s a little rusty but I promise to keep polishing as we go. Today, it was just important to start getting thoughts down on paper once more.
It’s my win for the day 🙂