How pathetic am I?
It’s my only thought as I sit on an acute care bed with a nebulizer treatment hard at work and a throbbing pain in my right lower back, courtesy of the steroid shot I had just received for an exacerbated asthma condition.
Apparently, I am more allergic to Tennessee than my home state of Illinois.
After fighting a nagging cough for most of the night, I navigated a confusing stretch of roads through the pouring rain to find an urgent care in Nashville.
Here I sit.
Fighting back tears.
Wanting someone to come along side me and say, “It’s okay. We’ll get this squared away and you’ll be good to go.” I full well knew I just needed to pull up my big girl pants and deal with it. I mean, this is just a glorified Doctor visit.
Yet, in midst of my pity party, I just wanted the familiarity of home. Someone to text. Someone just to talk to in that moment. I’m in Nashville for 12 hours and I already have the lyrics for my first country song.
In that bright blue room, on that hard uncomfortable bed, I prayed for God to enlighten me with peace and wisdom in that moment. For the strength not to break down in tears. My P.A. and Nurse were both men. I didn’t want to add embarrassment and awkwardness to my list of pathetic.
I prayed for his word to come alive in my heart. I prayed for God to reveal his presence. Despite the circumstances, I am not alone. I know that with my head yet in that moment I cannot make it resonate with my heart.
Loneliness is a common emotion believers often experience. You don’t have to think very hard to recall stories of God’s people facing isolation and grief. For me it comes in the most mundane situations:
In daily household chores and never-ending responsibilities.
At a table of virtual strangers in which you have little to nothing in common with.
In the midst of a long, sleepless night.
Walking through the process of pursuing a calling that God has placed on your heart.
How about you? Can you relate?
As I prayed, Hagar came to my mind. She was Sarai’s maid given the task of procreating with Abram in order to provide an heir. (Did she get hazard pay for that?) When Hagar found out she was expecting and the plan had succeeded, Hagar began to treat Sarai with disrespect. Abram gave Sarai permission to deal with Hagar in whatever manner she chose. Sarai chose to mistreat Hagar and Hagar fled from Sarai.
She finds herself sitting at a spring in the desert. Can you imagine how she is feeling as the hot sun beats down? Lost. Lonely. Dejected. Just needing wisdom for the next step.
In those moments, an angel appears to her at that very spring. He tells her to go back to her mistress and submit to her. He gives her a glimpse of the man she bears within her. He blesses her with future children.
“You are the God who see’s me,” for she said, “I have seen the one who see’s me.”
God. See’s. Me.
God. See’s. You.
Whether sitting at a spring in the desert, a carpool line or an acute care room in Nashville, Tennessee. God see’s me. God see’s you.
It’s in those moments of abandon that:
God reveals his presence.
He bears the wisdom and resources you need for the moment.
He blesses you when you walk in obedience to the command he has laid on your heart.
“Be strong and courageous”, became the mantra of my heart that day. “For the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go.”
Do not be afraid.
Do not be discouraged.
Despite the evidence surrounding you, You are not alone.