She caught my attention as she rounded the corner of the bus and walked clean into the passenger side mirror. I merely took a moment to make sure she was okay and say a silent thanks that it was her and not me. We boarded the bus and squeezed through coolers, life jackets and long legs taking up room in the aisle. I settled in next to my husband to wait for the crew to load the kayaks hoping it wouldn’t take long. The temp was steadily rising, quickly removing the relaxation of the afternoon on the lake. The young couple sat down in the seat in front of us.
“So, why couldn’t you get in the water,” her guy asks.
“Because of the baby”, she replies in a voice that indicates her day has not gone the way she anticipated.
“I know, the baby. But why?” He replies, frustrated.
“You know. Infection & stuff.”
As I sat there with my husband on our anniversary weekend, I thought of all the ways our men get the boot when kids come along. Before kids, I attended his every ballgame. I took lunches to him on my day off. I made time for him and the things he liked to do. Then, the beautiful bundles of joy came along and suddenly:
I am exhausted. Doesn’t he know I need my sleep?
My time is stretched thin.
I’ve worked all week. How can I possibly take more time away from the kids? I will only have them for a little while.
We can’t afford a sitter.
My house is a mess.
I haven’t combed my hair in months and I don’t even want to discuss baby weight. How can he possibly find me attractive?
And so it goes. Until the day you wake up to realize that your kids won’t be with you for much longer and you long ago forgot how to have fun with your man.
Marriages that don’t grow together will most definately fall apart.
It’s what I would tell the new mama to be if I had another chance. I would tell her it starts happening the moment we open What to expect when your expecting. You start experiencing the life growing inside of you and slowly start crowding out the most important member of your team in preparation of your new bundle of joy. Eventually, your going in your own direction. He’s doing what he loves to do while your doing what you love to do. But, your not doing it together. Suddenly, you feel invisible, exhausted and underappreciated. After all, you’re the one holding everything together. You start to wonder if this is how it’s always going to be.
Is this a taste of what life is going to look like when my kids leave the nest? Even more important, how do we get back? How do I draw him back in? How do I have fun with my man again? Does he even like me anymore?
Please tell me I have not walked through this season alone!
After evaluating these questions closely in prayer, I looked for solid advice. Which simply means I googled, “How to win my husband back.” When I say “win back”, I do not mean to imply he has strayed. I was simply looking for a way to catch his eye with my changed heart.
Even with google, God is good to respond. I found the blog, To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Sheila, the author, apparently walked through a similar season in which she offered this six week formula. Compliment your husband daily. Have sex with him often. Which spurred the thought, “Why do I always have to be the one to change?” God softly responded, “Maybe you’re husband is just waiting on your cue. You’ve spent so much time showing him you’ve got it all under control. Maybe it’s time to show him that you still need him and want him.”
So, in addition to Sheila’s formula:
I prayed for the wisdom to know what to do right here, right now to win back my husband.
I acted upon the still small voice in my heart. I let go and laid down every “wrong” done to me.
I realized the disconnect was not one sided. Could be he was just following my cues.
I’m actively looking for ways to hang out with my hubby. With a teen, a tween and a teen wannabe, it’s harder than it looks. Yet, I know this is a temporary season. We need to be intentional with the little bits of time we get together now so we know what to do and how to act later.
For the new mama to be, I would just tell her to beg, borrow and steal every opportunity she can to be with her man. Make the moment by moment choice to accept his advances (or make a few of her own) and know they are the way he shows love for her and receives love from her. Be straight forward and tell him what she needs. Respect him. Thank him. Appreciate him as her partner and her team mate for life.
I don’t come from perfection but from progress. It’s one shaky foot in front of the other but it’s worth every step.
How to you keep your marriage strong? Sound off in the comments below as we kick off Misplaced Monday’s!
Have you ever misplaced something?
I think of the meme floating in social media with the overworked mom who is trying to get out the door with one too many bags and a baby on her hip. She is frantically searching her kitchen table while venting to her friend that she is running behind and has to find her phone. The twist? She’s talking on the phone she is searching for!
I find my walk in Christ reflecting this woman’s struggle. I let chaos ensue and I miss the most obvious answer to gain peace, perspective and wisdom in my life.
Join me this month for Misplaced Monday’s! I hope you, like me, will find that taking a moment to reprioritize will make a difference in misplaced area our our lives.